Columbine

As I am sure you all know today marks the tenth anniversary of the killings at Columbine High School. This day just stands still in my mind. A part of me cannot believe it was ten years ago and yet when I think about being 20 years old, then it seems like a lifetime ago. I guess the events that took place that day had such a profound impact on my life, that the lessons learned make the moment seem like yesterday.
I will never forget how I was sitting in my dorm room at college talking on the phone, when in the background I heard the lady on the radio say that there was a shooting at a high school in Littleton, CO in Jefferson County. It was one of those moments where I couldn't hear anything but that lady. There are only three schools that fit that description and my sister was at one of them. I tried desperately to call anyone in Denver, but the lines were all tied up. Then I heard it was Columbine and for a second, I felt relief. Then, I turned on the TV and what I saw changed my world forever. I saw kids running out of school that had been my public library when I was little because our area of town was just being developed. I saw kids running across a park I had played at, softball fields I had played on, and running to the new library where I had studied in high school. Something just snapped inside me. What was going on? Why was the "safest place on Earth" suddenly looking like a war zone? What went wrong?
I could go on about who I knew at Columbine that day, but the truth is me gleaning something from that day is not really mine to do. I think it is human nature to want to associate yourself with a huge event like the murders at Columbine. However, I experienced that day through a TV, so the lessons I learned are probably small in comparison. God did change my outlook on life because of Columbine. I grew up that day because of it.
The first thing I dealt with was the idea of safety and security. To this day I still check for the easiest way out in grocery stores, schools, and churches. My world was rocked when the epitome of suburbia became a terrifying place to be. We all strive to live in the safest areas, send our kids to the best schools, and stay out of the "dangerous parts" of town. However, the events at Columbine prove that a safe place is something made up in our heads. The safest place to be is in the center of God's will. He is our "safety net" and that's it. Knowing this made it easy for me to go and teach in the "toughest" parts of Denver and Charlotte. The neighborhoods were different than the one I grew up in and I experienced some scary stuff, but the lessons I learned because of Columbine helped me never to be afraid when I was teaching. I know that it was only grace from God that gave me this peace.
The other thing I learned is that up until Columbine I thought that if you plugged in the right formula, i.e. good family, money, friends, religion, etc. into a child, they should turn out okay. That people were inherently good. However, here were these children who had all of the above, and yet they chose to end their lives and the lives of others in such an awful way. Where did that leave me, a person who wanted to go into the inner city, "plug in the right formula" and see results? Was it even worth it? I still wrestle with this, but my conclusion today is this. There is no right formula. This is a scary thought considering Brian and I are trying to raise JT to the best we know how. However, at the end of the day, God has a plan for each person and I just have to do what God has called me to do today and that is all I can do. God will take care of the best. Read what one of the gunmen, Dylan Klebold's parents said here. They said it perfectly. Of course they did, they have lived it.
Today I prayed for the survivors, the families who lost loved ones, and for a nation who still entertains themselves through violence. May those who lived through the horrors of that day, know peace. May those who lost a loved one, be comforted. And for the Harris and Klebold family, you are in my thoughts and prayers. You have been through a very unique hellish experience and I also pray for peace for you as well.
The events of that day were planned out by Satan, but the truth is that nothing went as he planned. Not meaning to diminishing the lives lost, but overall it is was a huge failure. The bombs did not go off, people escaped the library after being shot, and many students were saved because of their peers and teachers. God looked down, granted mercy, and for that I praise Him.